All but a handful of Major League Baseball team names fall into one of three categories: birds (three), socks (strange, I know; three), and humans (15 or 16, depending on how you classify giants), and, amazingly, only seven or eight cut a figure one wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley. Here’s all 30 MLB teams, ranked from least- to most-threatening name. (If this is weirdly your thing, also check out our similar rankings of all 30 NBA teams.)
30. Houston Astros
Not only is an “astro” not a thing, it’s not even an imaginary thing. It’s a goddamn prefix indicating relation to stars, appropriate because Houston is home to NASA’s Lyndon B. Jonshon Space Center. Everything on this list, including the three teams that are named after socks, can beat up a prefix.