“Do You Work Here?” Awkward Stories Of Being In The Wrong Place At The Wrong Time

A Lesson Was Learned

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My husband is a peaceful giant. He is 6’5” tall and can look quite imposing even though he really is a teddy bear. Never stressed or aggressive, never overreacting or raising his voice, just a peaceful giant.

So here we are, at the grocery shop, with our six-month-old baby shopping for food and whatnot. It is winter in Canada (so, you know, cold) and we are both wearing our coats.

The kid is fussy and nothing really calms him except when we carry him in our arms. It is my turn and my husband is going back and forth gathering what we need and bringing the items to our cart when this banshee of a woman got in his face—a figure of speech, because she was like 5’2”—and started yelling at him.

She says: “ARE YOU DONE? You’ve been helping her FOREVER and I NEED HELP! NOW!”

My husband, with his smooth everything-is-good kind of tone, says, “I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid I do not work here…” She yells: “LIAR! I just saw you help HER shopping.

NOW, you help ME! AND YOU DO NOT TALK BACK TO ME!” He tried to interrupt her but she yells: “STOP! Don’t talk to me unless it is to thank me.

Are we clear?”

My husband sees me boiling and about to interfere but makes a sign that’s says he is going to deal with it. He then calmly look at her with a smile.

She says, “GOOD! Now, help me grab the last (item I don’t remember, probably some king of condiment) on this high shelf. WHY do you people always put the stuff I need so high?!

Now, chop-chop!” My husband grabs the item, but instead of giving it to her, he keeps it just a tiny bit out of her reach.

He was about to teach her a lesson.

He looks at it and then at me. He grins and says, “Honey, do we need (condiment)?” I catch on and say, “Well, as a matter of fact, yes!

We do!” The lady yells, “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU GIVE HER MY STUFF! IT’S MY STUFF! GIVE IT TO ME!!!” Super slowly, my husband gets closer to the lady.

He is so imposing that she calms down immediately.

With the biggest of smile and the most polite voice ever, he says to her: “Again, I do not work here…but thank you for showing me (condiment).

We were about to forget it.” And with that, he puts the item in our cart, grabs the baby and together, we left. In the background, the lady howling some profanities.

All three of us smiling. I love my husband.

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