Bad Parents Who Finally Got What Was Coming to Them

Make a Game Out of It

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My siblings have made a game out of our family’s narcissism. When someone goes into an “I” rant, we all whisper “aye aye captain” to each other. There are prizes, ha. This happens particularly when my mom and brother get together.

My brother literally calls himself the “country Steve Jobs,” and every time we see him it turns into a 3+ hour lecture on his finances, his savings, his properties, and his career advancements.

Complete with paycheck stubs, bank statements, and lots of self-ego stroking. It gets much worse when my mom is there because she hypes the heck out of herself when it comes to his successes. Like every other sentence is “that’s my son,” “you get it from me,” “I raised you right,” etc.

Which is hilarious because then he gets mad and more aggressive with his own “I’m amazing” statements,” which, in turn, sets her off and it turns into an “I’m amazing” off.

What’s sad is he doesn’t actually make a ton, just more than average. And my mom has always worked minimum wage, so I’ve got no idea where this ego is coming from. So to make it fun, the normal siblings have made a game out of it.

Anytime someone makes an outrageously egotistical statement starting with “I” we whisper “aye aye captain.” The object is to not be caught, and if you get caught you have mimic the person’s outrageous statement back to them with a totally straight face or you lose.

So, if my brother says “I’m gonna lift this entire family up, I’m the only one smart enough to do it” and you get caught whispering to the others, you have to repeat back to him “I’m sorry it’s nothing, I’m just agreeing because I believe you’re the only one smart enough to lift this family up.”

If you crack a smile or laugh at that point, you’re out. We also have “hard mode” where you have to say “aye aye captain” and salute. So the last one standing usually gets a prize.

At first, we played for nothing at all, then candy, but it’s now so predictable that anytime we have plans to visit my brother we all chip in to buy a prize. Last time I won a grey fuzzy blanket.

It’s literally my favorite thing my siblings have done together and my sister is amazing for thinking it up, so yeah. It really helps with an otherwise difficult parenting situation.

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