Pay It Forward
Now this was a couple years back when I was in college. My friend, we’ll call her Susie, and I were both going into our second years. So was her boyfriend Brad. So, Susie finds out that she has herpes. The only guy she has ever been with is Brad. Naturally, she is devastated to find out he’s been cheating. We find out that she is not the only one he passed it on to.
There are in fact at least 5 other women we find out about. What’s more, we find out Brad has known that he is positive and is still going around hooking up with people and saying that he is healthy. Basically, his attitude is that someone gave it to him, so why would it be wrong for him to spread it too? Yeah, Brad is a jerk of epic proportions.
Susie is just devastated and can’t get out of her funk and what she now has to deal with health wise. Now, there is an urban legend where as revenge a woman hid, I think, shrimp in her cheating SO’s curtain rods when she was forced to move out of their apartment. This story has been featured on many shows about urban legends. It just so happened to come on late one night when me and Susie were watching TV.
It gave us a truly devious idea—Brad would regret ever meeting her. The only problem was, Brad had 5 roommates. So no way that was going to work. But wait, Brad has a car. And Brad is too broke to afford a new car any time soon. She knows the door code to unlock the vehicle and I just so happen to know how to remove certain vehicle panels to access holes in other panels that it would be impossible to get shrimp out of.
Plus, he worked the early shift on Wednesday. Lucky us, it’s Tuesday night. So off we go to the store to buy the clearance section of meat and seafood out. We’re talking ground beef, shrimp, imitation crab meat, various kinds of fish and deviled eggs. Oh, and during this lovely time of September, our little town was experiencing a triple digit heat wave. So off we go in the middle of the night, when it’s still 90 degrees out, and get to work.
Luckily for us, Brad lives in an apartment with no security cameras and other tenets who don’t care about two women working on a vehicle at 1 AM. Sure enough, the door key code still works. So we pop out these little covers on the door’s panels that access the interior of the door. In go the tiny little shrimps. Then we remove the plastic panels from the wheel wells, and in goes some ground beef and deviled eggs. Next was his lift gate. Anyway, you get the idea.
We put his car back together and off we go. Over the next few days, the smell just got worse and worse. The apartment complex manager asked him to move the car off the grounds because of the smell. Our town also has some mean feral cats that roam around, they just loved hanging around his car. So not only did it stink, but he risked being attacked by some mean feral cats. He would have to always have the windows cracked open at least a little.
Best part is, Brad and I have the same major. So over the next three years, I saw him a lot. He became notorious for his horrible smelling car. He couldn’t afford to replace it, no one would buy it, no matter how many times he had it cleaned, the smell remained, and no one could figure out where the odor was coming from. Even if they had figured it out, most of the panels would need to be completely replaced because the only access is tiny holes.
To this day, people still ask him about his car on Facebook. Like, if he says he will pick people up, they ask him if he has a new car. Nope. Still the stink-mobile. He currently works at Starbucks, so that thing isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Kind of like his herpes. I like to think of this as my ultimate Sherlock Holmes-level petty revenge/prank. I will never top the awesomeness of this one, it was my masterpiece.