Long Distance Relationship
I had a good time at this wedding but I’m one of the only people who did.
My college roommate, Lauren, met this guy in Denmark the year after she graduated college. They started a long distance relationship and got married about a year and a half after meeting. Majority of the guests were coming from out of state (we all attended college instate, she was from another) or out of the country (Denmark).
It didn’t occur to her to arrange transportation or even directions to and from the ceremony (which was at a state park half an hour away from the hotel where we were staying and where the reception was being held) for the 80% of her wedding guests who had flown in from other states and COUNTRIES for this wedding.
I found this out when I was helping her get ready and she asked for my phone so she could google where the park was in relation to the hotel because the groom’s grandpa had asked her for directions. I hitched a ride with my friend who had driven up, thank god.
The ceremony was held next to a pretty waterfall but it was and mosquito season. No food was served at the reception other than small bites and a chocolate fountain. The wedding ceremony was in the afternoon and the reception was all evening. She didn’t even provide a small buffet of anything moderately substantial. And trust me, money was not an option. She spent $8K on her dress and $2K on her flowers. So we stopped at Dairy Queen Grill & Chill before the ceremony for chicken strips and shakes.
She only had an open bar for 1 hour so all of us would wait in line, get the two drink max, and then just get in the back of the line to drink while we waited our turn for the next drinks.
The dance floor was the size of a small walk-in closet but that didn’t really matter because the DJ would literally play one song and then the groom’s uncle, the MC of the event apparently, would introduce a video from someone on the groom’s side of the family who couldn’t make the wedding but had put together a 5-7 minutes video in another language congratulating them.
It went song, GREETING FROM BJORN, song, CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE KNORKELSENS, song, HALLO AND LOVE FROM SURKIN AND MURKIN ABBALICIOUS for 3 hours.
Anyway, I got pretty hammered and decided to shut down the club with an impromptu speech in which I quoted Jimmy Eat World lyrics and alluded to the bride’s former affinity for Asians. Someone showed up in jeans. I did a shot in someone’s hotel room with like 10 rugby players from the groom’s side. I remember finding a cat somewhere. I woke up in my cocktail dress to QVC on my TV with my hand in between the pizza slice and the cheese that came on top of it.
So it worked out pretty good for me. The end.
Story credit: Reddit / westsideasses