Nick Parker, The Parent Trap
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First of all, who the hell would EVER want to marry that smarmy POS Meredith Blake when they could totally be banging the late Natasha Richardson?! Second of all, how do you literally not notice that the girl you picked up from the airport isn’t your daughter? I get it, they’re twins, but come on, he BARELY questions it when she tells him that she learned to speak French at summer camp. WTF.