Smug Dinner Date
I went on a date years ago and the guy assured me I definitely hadn’t been to the restaurant he was taking me to. It was expensive. And yes, I had been before. While we were waiting to be seated, he told me “I couldn’t talk like that in this type of restaurant” after I said a curse word. When we sat down to dinner, he asked the waiter to take the bread away so I wouldn’t ruin my appetite.
The guy then ordered a meal for us to split. As we pulled up to my house afterward, I let out an extremely loud burp, said “That was freaking great! I ain’t never been to no steakhouse before!” That probably ensured he would never call me again.