40. Patient’s Requests
A lady comes into the ER and refuses to tell triage what’s wrong, other than to say she had something growing “down there” and she would absolutely not elaborate. She wants a lady doctor and that’s that. So we get her set up for a pelvic exam in one of the OB/GYN rooms and call the only female physician working that night to come check her out.
The doctor is in the room for maybe two or three minutes before she comes out. The minute she did, we knew something was very wrong. She came with a stench that made everyone in the vicinity gag, and it was wafting from the room behind her. So here’s the store: The patient is about middle-aged and had about 11 children with no medical insurance.
Her uterus had begun to prolapse, basically turning inside out and starting to fall out. With no money and no insurance, it was suggested she just put something “up there” to hold her uterus in. Without much on hand that could both fit inside her and stay inside her without falling out, she came up with a “genius” plan. She decided to stick a potato up there.
And what do potatoes like to do in warm, dark, moist environments? The “something” she had felt growing down there was ACTUALLY growing down there. It was the vine the potato shot out for sunlight. The potato had fully rooted into the woman’s uterus as well, and the potato itself was rotting, hence the stench. She had to have a full hysterectomy.