She Has No Common Decency
This has been the worst week of my life and it isn’t over yet. My son perished in a motorcycle accident on Saturday. I’m obviously devastated. With that said, let me get straight to the point. When my “mom” found out, she called me and bemoaned the fact that she had four kids and now has only one grandchild left, my younger son.
Yes, she literally made it about her on the day my baby passed. Let’s call this the appetizer portion of her behavior. Because she was about to escalate it. At that point, I was still in such shock that this didn’t totally make my radar. Now for the soup/salad course of her being a horrible human. She called my partner of three years (late in life lesbian here).
As my incredible partner is trying to comfort my mother, my mom takes it upon herself to let my partner know that she is not allowed to go to the funeral because it’s “not about lesbian lovers”. My partner was, of course, deeply hurt by this as she loved my son fiercely. This broke through the fog of my grief and made me incandescently angry.
Then this witch shows up to my home the next day to tell me that she was only thinking of me. I told her to get the heck out of my house. Now we come to the entree portion of her behavior. My amazing sister knew what was going on with our lovely mother and was handling her for me because I just can’t be bothered to deal with her right now.
My son is being cremated and we arranged a private viewing for family before the cremation. My sister informed her, VERY clearly, that the viewing would begin at noon and that mom could come to the funeral home at 12:30 so that my other son and I could have our time with him first. That horrible woman showed up before we even got there.
My sister had to force her out of the room so that my son and I could have our time to say goodbye. But I had no idea what was in store for me. She then proceeds to wail like something out of a movie…in the lobby of the funeral home. She never said one word to my son or myself, then just left. I’m so hurt and angry that I can’t begin to explain it.
I don’t doubt that her pain is real but this is more than I can bear. My son’s memorial service was yesterday. It was beautiful. I heard his friends tell such amazing stories about him, things I never knew, and it filled me with pride. He was a better man than even I knew. It was a packed house to the point that the chapel was completely full and people were standing in the lobby.
There aren’t words for what it meant to me. So, on to the dessert course with my mom. She showed up to the visitation prior to the service and apparently got so messed up on something (don’t know what it was or who gave it to her) that she couldn’t stay awake and left before the service. Mildly embarrassing but probably the best possible outcome.
In my grief, I am still angry that she couldn’t muster up the decency to be a mom to me but she didn’t mess up my son’s send off so I guess I am grateful. I don’t know what happens from here with our relationship but it will either be very low contact or no contact. Nonetheless, I have my partner, my other sweet boy, and lots of other friends and family to lean on.