Karma Takes Its Time
My father cheated on my mom when I was four and went on to marry his mistress. Now, this is not even about that but about the fact that my father not only divorced my mom but also divorced ME. To give you a bit of background, he avoided me for most of my childhood and teens. My parents had shared custody of me but he would only ask to see me once a month.
Twice if I begged and called a lot to see him. He refused to pay child support and when he would, it would be 6+ months late and would be much less than what was agreed on. According to him, my mom was rich and my grandfather was fully capable of supporting me. Except as far as I know he is the one who helped create me…not my grandfather.
He moved out of the country (which is one of the most dangerous countries in the world) when I was 17 under the excuse of a two-week vacation and never came back. He took his wife and two kids and left me. When I found out I was too hurt to say anything but my mom confronted him. His words back cut me to the bone. His only response was “I have to take care of my family”.
His wife doesn’t like me, of course, and there are no pictures of me at their house. My mother remarried and I have a WONDERFUL stepfather who raised me better than my father ever could. He paid for my education and everything I ever needed. Later on, I moved out of my country with my father’s visa. My stepdad offered him money to allow me to come to school under his visa and he took it.
I saw my father maybe four times in the last five years (awkward, forced trips). It was maybe for a day each time, and each time he wanted a family picture to post on social media and act like a doting father. He has never helped me with school, never helped me move, and never came when I was sick or heartbroken or sad. I was in the same country as him all on my own, and he was the only family I had there.
Fast forward to the last two years. I met an amazing man who happens to be a citizen of the country I’m in. We were together for a year and a half and my dad met him once. It was at my graduation that he asked to be a part of, and I reluctantly invited him. However, as usual, he only came to take a picture to post on Facebook.
There was no dinner, no present, nothing. He spoke for maybe a minute to my then-boyfriend about baseball and that was it. Today I’ve been married to that same man for six months. My father didn’t bring us a card or a present. Fine, whatever. But there’s just one thing. Now my father and stepmom want to see us…a lot. And well, I think I know why.
Now, my father is in this country on a visa, which means eventually he has to leave. His children are citizens but much too young to do anything for him for at least another decade, when they become of age and can sponsor their parents. His family and my husband’s met for dinner and he took the bill for ALL 10 OF US. This was very shocking since my father is incredibly cheap.
I had already told my husband’s family to split the check since I knew my father would pay only for himself even if the event was his idea. Then before we left he jokingly told me I have to facilitate his way to citizenship since I’ll be married and a citizen myself soon…so there’s that. A month later, he invited me and my husband to a fancy hotel to spend New Year’s Eve.
He paid for absolutely everything for two days. The whole time my husband and I were just confused at all this attention we were getting…which brings me to this week. He has been calling weekly since early January to have my husband and I spend the weekend at their house (they live three hours away) this month. To be honest we are not buying it.
I always (stupidly) give him chances and he always disappoints me. My mother-in-law told me maybe he finally wants a relationship with me but the timing is SO OFF! Why did no one call when I was all alone in this country? Why now? My husband really dislikes him (he knows all he has put me through) and has already told me he won’t allow me to help him with citizenship.
He says he doesn’t deserve it and didn’t offer me help when I was in that situation, and he is right. I don’t want to help them, it would be a huge insult to my mother who in her own imperfect way took care of me all on her own. But I also feel bad for turning my back on him because it’s just not who I am. But I will not help him.
Karma took a while but it’s finally happening. I can’t wait to tell him “I have to take care of my family” once the time comes and he asks for my aid.