Not Seeing Eye-To-Eye
Growing up, my family was always close to my mom’s sister. My aunt has two girls who are identical twins and I was always forced to play nice with them even though they never wanted to hang out. When I got married, I asked them to be my bridesmaids, and they stood up in my wedding…only for them to go back to ignoring me and not putting forth effort into the relationship.
I mailed them flowers, would call them each month, send happy birthday texts, and handwrite them letters. But they never initiated. I decided to forgo the relationship and stopped reaching out. They didn’t reach out or contact me for over a year, only to say thanks after I texted “happy birthday”. I am turning 30 in a few weeks and my parents had a plan to host a party, with people flying in from across the country.
Yesterday, one of the twins had a bridal shower and my mom begged me to go, even though I was not asked to be a bridesmaid and did not want to go. When I got ready for the shower, my mother didn’t like my hair and told me to wash it, didn’t like my outfit and told me to change, and once I did all those things to just get through the day and survive, then she was upset with how little I talked with everyone at the shower.
She was giving me nasty glares across the table and hitting my knees underneath it. I found out at the shower that my twin cousins both bought houses, graduated with their masters, and they didn’t even tell me. I felt so hurt at the shower that I decided to tell my parents I did not want them to be invited to my 30th birthday party, as on my 21st my dog passed in my arms and I’ve never had a big party for it.
I wanted to invite people who do not make me feel bad about myself. I didn’t expect the backlash I got. My mom stopped speaking to m and my dad wrote me the most hurtful message I’ve ever read from him—sharing that they are canceling the party, that they will not be attending, and that I am being a selfish spoiled brat.
For what it’s worth, I have invited my twin cousins to every birthday party, every college party—all of it. I have never been invited to any of theirs. I spoke with my brother about the situation, sent him the text messages my dad sent me, and immediately my mom calls my brother apologizing and playing the victim, saying how hard it was for her at the shower because I didn’t talk enough to everyone at the party.
My brother calls my dad and then talks to me. He and I are very close, and he also has beef with the twins, so I thought he surely would understand how stupid this all sounds. His words crushed me. He instead lectured me on how the family needs to get along and how he needs to play devil’s advocate. This all happened as I was in town to visit everyone for the shower.
He then proceeded to tell me that I must have hurt people by not talking to them enough, (but I did talk to everyone!) and as I started to cry, he gave me an ultimatum saying he could either drive me to the train station and I catch the next train back to my home or that I will need to “collect myself” as he was having people come over.
Since I live in a different state, I was planning on staying at his house instead of my parents’. So I decided to Uber to a hotel and stay until my train departs. I feel so betrayed, unsupported, and hurt right now. The worst part is that before my brother spoke with my parents, he offered to host the party instead but after this, I just want to cancel it all, not go to my cousin’s wedding, and distance myself from my family entirely.