The Final Straw
I’ve been married for a little over three years, and my family has never liked my wife. They’re religious and are very close-minded to anything and everything outside of their beliefs. My wife and I are both the “black sheep” members of our families. Right from the start, my family shut out my wife. She had to claw her way into conversations, would always be left out of “sister get-togethers”, and was generally passed over because she didn’t fit the image that they wanted.
I’ve always known that my wife was bi. It was never an issue. We would occasionally joke—in the confines of our own home—the people we would go gay or lesbian for (I’m straight). Also, just to clarify before I continue, my wife is a very compassionate person. When she feels bad for someone, she’ll be assuring and affectionate. Not over the top, but a close friends kind of way.
She respects boundaries and relationships. My brother’s wife had similar issues when coming into the family. She didn’t fit the image, but over time she was worn down and adjusted everything about herself to fit in. My brother doesn’t defend her against anything. He always thinks that if the direct family has an idea, then he NEEDS to follow through on it, including comments against his wife.
I always encouraged my wife to be herself and not change for anyone. I love her the way she is. Now, because both my wife and my brother’s had similar experiences in trying to get into the family, my wife felt compassionate and reached out to her. For a while, things were good. They were able to talk openly about their struggles with the family and help each other. About a week ago, everything changed.
For context, my wife hadn’t told anyone in the family about her being bi fear of ridicule and judgment on a “spiritual level”. My wife and my brother’s wife were hanging out together one evening to watch a TV show when my brother’s wife asked my wife if she was bi. Since they had a good relationship and disclosed a lot of feelings and struggles, she told her the truth.
For a week, nothing became of it. Yesterday, though, my brother called me up saying that we needed to talk. We got together, and that’s when he accused my wife of hitting on his. Here’s something that I know: my wife has never treated my brother’s wife differently than anyone else. I think that because MY wife let someone in—confident it wouldn’t change anything—on her orientation, that my brother and his wife are now questioning all of her motives and actions for the entire time we’ve been together.
But to go so far as to say that MY wife was hitting on my brother’s wife…no. Also, my brother’s wife didn’t say anything afterward. She made everything seem fine. If she had an issue or thought something that serious, she should have gone directly to my wife, not send her guard dog after me for it. As of yesterday, we’ve cut them out of our lives.
There have been a thousand issues that has led us to cutting them out, but this was the final straw. We’re both feeling betrayed.