17. On The Spot
I was working as a waiter in a fancy restaurant. This classy guy shows up, well dressed, well mannered, looking for a job as a cook. They needed help back in the kitchen, so they hired him on the spot.
The next morning, he showed up drunk as heck. Not in a “had a super night out with the buddies, am still a little hungover” kind of way, but more in a “just downed a bottle of whiskey for breakfast” kind of way.
He had watery eyes and awful breath. He stuttered and struggled to walk straight but somehow managed to keep his head high, so management said fudge it, put him to work.
The very first thing he did was grab a big prawn and managed to stab his own finger with it. Right under the nail. Lots of blood and pain.
Everybody is dumbfounded by this prowess. They immediately sent him home, maybe 10 minutes after he started his new job.