Living Rent-Free in My Mind
I’m super pregnant. I’m in my last trimester now and we waited until I was 22 weeks to tell my family due to complications. We’re fine, but we’ve been spending all this time building our nursery and being excited to be parents. My husband worked on the nursery himself, without my overbearing family or his knowing about it. He is a very proud dad and it’s helped him bond immensely with our baby, who isn’t even here yet.
My family, full of awful people, is split in two. My dad’s family isn’t involved in this story—I’m fighting them on another front, but they took the news of the completed nursery very well. My mother’s family, specifically my aunt and cousin, didn’t take it well, but they were relieved I only wanted books from them for the baby’s library. My cousin has been in competition with me since she was a child.
I don’t know why, she’s the golden child and got everything she always wanted. I ignored her my whole life and never competed, which I think made it worse. She has repeatedly told our grandparents and her mom that I’m a thief. She claims I’ve always taken her things, called her rude names, and she always manages to get everyone worked up about it.
It’s always been disproven, her things are always found, but the family always buys it. It hurt so much the last time that I refused to be around my cousin without a second witness to our interactions. Thanks to that, there was no drama for three years because my husband was always with me. After hearing I’d gotten married (we eloped in a ceremony abroad), had a destination honeymoon, and was now having a baby, she wasn’t happy. I think that’s when she snapped. I’m now having the first great-grandchild for both families, which is a big deal for my cultural background. She tried after our announcement to “take over” my baby shower.
However, I told the family I wasn’t having one because we already got everything we needed. I have tons of clothes, furniture, etc. So I asked for books instead. Dinner went great with the whole side of the family being excited. However, I knew something was coming my way from my cousin because I’d refused her “generous offer” about the baby shower, thus not giving her any attention.
She texts me several days later (she shouldn’t have had my number in hindsight) and told me she’d be coming by my house to drop off “gifts” for my baby. I told her no thanks, we weren’t taking gifts. She tells me she’s coming by at this time and I told her I’d be out. I also said that even if I was home I’m not taking them, and I’m not having any discussions with her about my pregnancy or baby. You can guess what happened next.
She showed up anyway. She was apparently banging and screaming at my door (I have video footage from my Waze camera) so much that my neighbor called the authorities. They showed up and surprise! She has a warrant for unpaid traffic citations and was driving under a suspended license. So she gets locked up. Between my appointment and an emergency visit to the hospital (bloodwork issues, we wanted to confirm baby was okay), she’d managed to tell my family a different story.
I’d apparently opened the door, called her horrible names and called her gifts cheap, kicked her when she tried to take them back, and then slammed the door in her face with the gifts. I then apparently called the authorities, told them she had a warrant, and lied telling them she’d physically gone for me. She then went to lockup and was treated horribly.
I thought for sure my family had to know she was full of it—I was in the hospital for my baby. I was shocked at their reaction. They believed her. They came at me with texts, calls, voicemails, and all of it nasty. They didn’t believe me at all. My mother and bio-grandmother did, however, and tried to set the family straight. I decided I was done.
I’m not defending myself, why should I? I sent out a message to everyone that if they were going to believe my cousin, they were no longer allowed near my family. I would disown them all. I had proof she was lying. They didn’t believe me and kept up the nastiness. I blocked them all. Three weeks later, the church ladies at my work told me that the whole family was talking ugly about me to the whole (small) town.
I then showed them the texts and video since they were so shocked about what my family was saying. Once they saw the video and my pictures from the hospital (I made a video for myself of me watching my baby’s heart rate and the clock, so it kind of proves where I was) they were horrified. They stopped bothering me about it then and it got quiet.
A week ago, my cousin’s story truly fell apart when my grandfather and uncle ran into the officer who detained her. The church ladies and the officer backed my story up, and my cousin crumbled when she was confronted. The family is horrified, and my aunt and cousin are on the outs. They found out she also had substances in her car, so she’s lost her golden child status.
My whole family has been trying to come by my house, only to discover my neighborhood has a new key-code gate. My mother called me today to ask what she should do, as my grandfather came by her house sobbing about the whole thing. I told her it wasn’t my issue and I was sorry for her being caught up in it, but I’m not budging. I disowned them. And I went one step further.
I removed my family name from my hyphenated last name and just took my husband’s. I deleted my Facebook. I changed my number. We are listed privately. I won, as sad as it is, because they’re now facing the consequences of their actions. And I’m sad. I want my family, but they need to stay away. I can never give them another chance. What if they hurt me or, Gods forbid, my child next time with their behavior?
I’m at a loss. My mother says they want to send a letter. But do I even read it? My mother has effectively told the entire family I want to be left alone, she will not be passing any messages on to me from this point further, and that any more contact would involve our attorney. It got very quiet today and I’m quite relieved about it. I had my husband block everyone’s number.
I also sent my lovely church ladies (who bring me food and visit sometimes) a message detailing that I was too stressed to hear about my ex-family anymore. I asked that we drop that uncomfortable subject when they visit and they were happy to oblige. We had a small visit today and all we talked about was my nursery for the baby. Going forward I’ve decided to stick by my no-contact rule.
I am not giving these people any more real estate in my mind.