#42 Attention-in-Law
My time has come.
Good friends getting married; it was a medium-sized wedding (no more than 75 people, including the bridal party and groomsmen). It was a wedding and reception by a lake, and everyone knew the venue, so we dressed accordingly—shirts and comfortable trousers, sundresses and sandals, etc. Bride’s sister-in-law is dressed like she’s heading out for an evening of dinner and dancing. Sky-high heels, tight dress, rhinestones everywhere. She looks gorgeous! But it’s not comfortable. And we’re outside.
The ceremony is sweet… except for the words “bloody bugs… bloody pine needles, damn dirt…” that’s being picked up from the small (yet apparently mighty) microphone up front. Right after the ceremony, we walk over to the gazebo/picnic area where the reception will be, and the sister-in-law starts lobbing her high heels at her husband, screeching about what an awful day it is, gashes her husband’s eyebrow open.
While people are scrambling to get him napkins because facial wounds bleed and try to get him into a car to drive him the hospital for stitches, she decides to up the ante. She says, “I can’t take this anymore!” and throws herself off of the dock in a dramatic swan dive. There was just one little problem with it all.
The problem is, the lake at that point was only four feet deep, and marshy, so instead of a suicide, she just sort of… bobs along in the water because everyone’s more concerned with her husband’s eye/face. Sister-in-law’s father just turns towards the lake, tells her to get her ass out of there and cut the nonsense. They pile into two cars and drove off. It was surreal.
Credit: GroupGuide