Too Trashed, Too Furious
I was working as a valet and bellman for a lower-end hotel. One night, LL Cool J was playing at the club down the street and staying at the hotel for a night. I was working the mid-shift when he and his entourage returned in a limo.
One of the women from his group came up to me and explained that her husband was wasted. She told me that he would probably come down sometime later and try to drive. LL’s group had left, so I asked for her last name so I would know who he was if he came down.
She told me her last name and said that her husband was one of LL’s bodyguards. I said okay, figuring he wouldn’t come down. A few hours passed and I had nearly forgotten about it when the biggest man I had ever seen came stumbling through the lobby.
As soon as he opened the front doors, he screamed, “HEY, VALET.” He stumbled over and shoved his ticket in my face. He exclaimed he really needed his car, but I looked at his ticket to confirm that it was the right guy.
Not wanting to risk getting stomped into the ground by telling him that he was too trashed to drive, I took his keys and ran towards the parking lot. That’s when things started to get heated.
I looped back around through the bushes to a house phone on the side of the hotel and called security. I could see him through the bushes getting angry that it was taking so long. He started walking toward the valet lot, screaming, “VAAALET, HEY VAAALET!”
I looped back around and met him. I apologized and told him that I thought his car was in the other lot. He cursed at me and told me to give him the keys.
I told him to wait and that I would have it right up. He was having none of it and he came after me, missing my shirt by only a few inches and almost falling on his face. I ran toward the valet desk while he gave chase.
Luckily, I was able to make it around the other side of the desk. We then proceeded to play ring around the Rosie while he swatted at me across the desk with his five-foot-long arms.
Finally, the head of security showed up alone, and his eyes popped out of his head when he saw what was going on. He passed some code on the radio to call the authorities and managed to calm the guy down a little bit.
The guy argued with security for a few minutes while lunging at me for his keys every so often. Law enforcement finally came screaming in, and the guy bolted for the door and the elevators.
The two officers were no match for the guy. He threw one of them to the ground while they tried to cuff him. While the one man was down, the elevator door opened, and he got in while the other officer drew his taser.
Four more officers showed up while the one with the taser yelled something at the guy in the elevator. He then lit him up, and then I heard a thud.
I saw the guy’s feet kicking out the end of the elevator. All the officers stormed in, cuffed him, and dragged him out. They struggled to carry him.
While carried out to the cruiser, he saw me sitting at the valet desk with his keys still in hand and cursed at me as he was stuffed into the back seat. I just smiled at him until they drove away.
Story credit: Reddit/reir