Medical Professionals Share Their Most Ridiculous Encounters With Dumb Patients

29. HE MAY NOT HAVE HAD SCHISTO, BUT HE WAS CERTAINLY SWIMMING IN DENIAL

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I had a patient come in with several pages he printed off the internet. He kinda slammed them down and said, “This is what I have.”

The symptoms included bloating, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, bloody stool, and fever among other things. He insisted he had Schistosomiasis. He was being a real jerk about it like we’re wasting time since he already knew what he had.

So I asked when did he get back from Africa. And he said, “Africa? I’ve never been to Africa. What would I be doing in Africa?”

I proceeded to tell him that Schistosomiasis is a parasitic disease one gets while swimming in the Nile River or other rivers in developing countries like in Southeast Asia. He got mad at me because he thought I was mocking him. He was seen and diagnosed with gastroenteritis (the stomach flu). The bloody stool? He had hemorrhoids.

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