12. WHEN YOU GOTTA POOP SO BAD IT STOPS YOUR HEART
I’m an emergency doctor. Had a guy in his 60s come in, never been to a doctor before. Clutching his chest, sweating, breathing heavily.
Him: My constipation has gotten so bad it woke me up from sleep. It’s putting all this pressure on my chest!
Me: When was your last bowel movement?
Him: Yesterday.
Me: So why do you think you’re constipated?
Him: Well. What else would be causing all of this pressure in my chest?
Got an EKG, show’s he’s having a heart attack.
Me: Sir, you’re having a heart attack. We need to transfer you right away to another hospital where a cardiologist can treat you.
Him: No way, just give me a laxative
We argue back and forth for 10 minutes before he lets me transfer him. I called over to the other hospital and they said he argued with them for 45 minutes before he let them take him to the cath lab.
He had nearly complete occlusion of two major vessels in his heart. Two stents and a brief ICU stay later he’s now back on the streets living his life.
Probably still thinks I’m an idiot for making him go through all of that just for his constipation.
RZoroaster