People Who Finally Spilled Their Deepest, Darkest Secrets

Rise And Grind

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Every day, I wake up, get cleaned up, put on a suit. I go to work, I drink my coffee, and sit at my desk, and I basically pretend to be the most obnoxiously boring white collar American IT office drone imaginable. Every day is the same stuff with these vapid, boring, sheltered ignorant people. I have to listen to their opinions on foreign policy, the government, economics.

I have to sit through grandiose tails of fishing or hiking, or how “amazing” their trip to post-revolution Egypt was. Every day. And all I want to do is scream—because they don’t know my dark past. I was literally a spy. I’ve seen Hong Kong from 25,000 feet while hurtling out of a plane the I was not supposed to be on. I’ve met Sheiks and princes and sailed the Mediterranean on a boat full of refugees.

I’ve shot down missiles, jumped out of a moving train, and literally looked at WMDs. I know exactly how much Chevron will pay to make a village move in Nigeria. I can’t say a thing. I have to sit there and do my stupid spreadsheet and I can’t say a thing to these ungrateful clowns who are so  sure of the way the world works. Agh, felt way too good to get off my chest.

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