Holding It Back
I was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome and OCD as a child. I have tried to start making a list and I estimate that I have somewhere along the lines of 500-1,000 unique tics/compulsions. While in public or communicating with people, I try and prevent any one of them from happening. A tick or compulsion can come about simply by looking at someone, seeing a specific number or color, or seeing something in the background.
These tics can be physical or mental, people can notice them, or they can also be rituals I perform in my head. Despite this I have been able to obtain a Master’s degree and become a very social person. The hardest part, aside from dealing with a tic/compulsion every five seconds, is trying to hide them from people. I’m not really embarrassed about it but I would rather just fit in and avoid having to explain all of the time.
Essentially, the discomfort and never being able to truly “relax”, sucks and I don’t wish it upon anyone. Still, I am glad for my overall physical and mental health and personality that I have developed having had to live with these disorders.