An About Face
All my life I’ve claimed that I never want children, I’m not good with them, and I don’t think I would be a great mother. Then recently, everything changed. Last week I went to the doctor for a routine exam and found out I have a hormone imbalance that makes me unable to have kids. Suddenly I realized how badly I want children despite me always denying it.
I would love to be able to have little mini-me’s running around, me teaching them and watching them grow. Teaching them to play piano, watching their recitals, taking them out for ice cream afterwards. Reading them bedtime stories, and having their cute little green eyes gaze up at me with unconditional love. Ugh. I haven’t told anyone what I found out last week, not my mom, not my partner, no one. it’s eating me alive. I feel worthless, and I don’t feel like a woman.