A Real Spoiled Brat
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We have our 16-year-old daughter who has been dating a slightly shy and awkward young man for around three to four months now. He seems very nervous around my daughter and has admitted in a passing comment here and there to my wife and I that he can’t believe she agreed to date him and he thinks she’s way out of his league.
He seems very respectful, just shy. My wife is usually an independent, awesome woman and her ideals align closely with mine, particularly in terms of feminism and equality. We have both striven to raise our daughter to be as independent and capable as possible. Since my daughter has been dating this kid, my wife has changed considerably and has given our daughter advice that has left me with raised brows more than once.
Some of the advice I’ve heard my wife give is “Oh it’s cute for boys to pay for everything, especially in your first relationship!” Or “Oh honey, don’t worry about that, he can pay for you, if he really liked you he would.” I’ve tried to balance this out by telling my daughter straight away, “Two people in a partnership should be contributing equally,” and my personal favorite, “If someone asks if they can take you out to dinner, it’s reasonable to expect them to pay, but if someone asks you to grab dinner with them, it’s reasonable to split the payment.”
I figured that would be an easy way for a young person to understand the difference. But disturbing things are happening. I’ve now noticed my daughter becoming more and more entitled with her boyfriend’s money. She talks about him like, “Oh I’ll just ask him to pay for x.” It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. She has also flippantly bragged about and mentioned that she gets him to buy gift cards for her.
Worst of all, she does it by mentioning her mother’s advice, i.e. “If you really liked me you’d pay for it.” I spoke to my wife privately and told her my concerns. She insists it’s a rite of passage for girls and it’s cute that she should feel a guy is completely spoiling her. I told her that it’s not cute for her to be thinking it’s acceptable to view relationships as personal ATMS, and my wife became very angry with me and is now calling me a jerk.