Regrets, I’ve Had A Few
My wife and I are both 42 and in marriage counseling after our marriage basically went to heck after having kids (six and four-year-old twins). A lot of issues and disagreements have come up in the marriage that has driven us apart, and I have been working through my resentment that going back for one more baby resulted in twins, including one which we are pretty sure has ADHD and is a nightmare child.
Our counsellor asked me if I would have children if I had to do it all over again. I confessed my darkest secret. I said, “Honestly, no.” I love my kids, but if I had the chance to go back to 24 when I finished grad school and could do my life over again, I wouldn’t choose fatherhood. It is not the fulfilling experience everyone claims and the sacrifices are not worth it to me.
I had a much happier life before having children and have gone from someone who loved life to someone who just…makes it through the day, working a job he hates to provide for the wife and kids while silently wishing this wasn’t my life. My wife is furious and taking it the wrong way and even told our six-year-old “daddy wishes you were never born” which makes me livid.
You don’t tell the kid that. Yes, I wish I never had kids, but I do love them, would never hurt them or want to upset them. And I didn’t say it to/in front of my kids and I never, ever will. I said it in marriage counseling, which should be a safe space to talk about feelings. It has become a huge fight, our marriage is not going to be saved now, and I know she will try and use this against me in divorce court to try and get sole custody and take everything and lie to the kids who I do love and still want to be a dad to them.
She is incapable of understanding that you can love your kids but also feel that parenthood wasn’t the best choice for you.