Zero-Sum Game
I am the breadwinner of our household. I have multiple, highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make 200k+, with the potential to get in the 600-M’s range. My company has not been hit that badly by COVID, so most of us have kept our jobs, but we’re held to strict standards. My husband has a broad degree and work experience. He quit his job right before this all hit, hoping for a better job in the meantime, and I was supportive.
He spent a ton of time applying to various jobs and finally landed an interview at Organization X. This is his dream job in almost every imaginable way. It’s paying about 65k a year. There’s just one enormous problem. This would all be fine except this job directly puts my job stability at risk. My company and this organization are adversarial, at best.
My field is extremely secretive, and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor, I would be permanently tainted. I wouldn’t be able to get a job in the industry forever. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it absolutely is not. It’d be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ.
If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone. Even if I trusted my husband not to do that (and I do), my clients and company don’t. Worse, because my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in. I asked him to drop from consideration for this job, since if he got it, we’d lose my income.
65k a year cannot support us in this city. Plus, he does not have to work for this organization. Even if the job market is awful right now, his background gives him access to a wide range of jobs, but I only have this one, niche field. He was extremely angry and said I was “selfish and only cared about money.” I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him, but taking this job isn’t possible. It reached a horrible breaking point.
He continued the process behind my back and got the offer. He wants to accept it because he says his career needs to take priority and that I wasn’t being a supportive wife. I feel so betrayed, and I’ve contacted all relevant higher-ups in my company to inform them. I notified them as soon as he got the interview because it’s better coming from my email than from a background check.
I told him he could decline the offer, with me watching him physically decline it, or he could accept the offer and move out immediately. I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all of my fees. I feel awful. I still love him. I moved decisively because this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts.
He called me heartless and cold. It’s true that I was prioritizing my career over his, but it felt like the only option at the time.