The Man Can’t Help It
What I thought would be a total non-issue has ballooned into a huge problem and I’m up at 7:05 am dealing with it. I’m fat, there’s no way around it. I love to eat which probably borders on addiction but I figure since I’m only hurting myself it’s probably better to just live my life. I have some great friends although there is no doubt I’m the “harmless, funny token fat guy” of the otherwise pretty-good looking group.
I guess that sets the stage enough. Last night, my friend hosted UFC and I was invited. He got a six-foot party sub. I also brought homemade wings that are sort of my specialty. Well, of course, people flocked to the food and I had basically one serving of the sandwich but people devoured my wings and I didn’t get to have a single one. Which is totally fine that’s why I brought them, but maybe an hour later, I was starving.
I kept eyeing the sandwich and I’d say there was about three feet of it left. I waited an hour, then another half hour and no one had touched it. Still, they were still munching on chips, pretzels, and whatnot. So I was like screw it…I took about half of what was left and ate it. Then the last half sat for another 10-15 minutes and no one said anything, so I ate the rest. It all went downhill from there.
As I was swallowing the last bite the host’s girlfriend asked where the sandwich was. Like I was the guilty party, pretty much everyone pointed at me. I guess they’d noticed me eating the sandwich. She was furious and said that I was an incredible pig and that I had been super selfish to eat three feet of a sandwich. I felt so bad I tried to explain to her that I really did wait over an hour and thought people had lost interest.
I also tried to explain how everyone had eaten my wings and she said something along the lines of “you brought them to share Alan, if someone had eaten over half by themselves that’s not sharing is it?” I offered to order pizza or even go get Subways and she said that it was a pathetic offer because the party sub had been from a local shop owned by her friends.
I said I was sorry but the night was so tense from then on out. I woke up this morning to several texts from my twin sisters (the host’s girlfriend’s best friends) saying that I had to get my eating under control and that everyone is really mad at me and that I embarrassed myself last night. I tried to explain to them what my mindset had been and they haven’t responded.