Acting Out
It’s a complex situation but I’ll do my best to explain. I have a 16-year-old biological son, Leo, from my previous relationship. I married his stepmom who is a mother of two boys, Connor (deceased), and Derek, who is 12. I’ve never had the pleasure to meet Connor, who tragically passed in a motorcycle accident. Derek was so devastated by this loss and although it’s been years, he’s still pretty much grieving.
I’ve seen tons of pictures and videos of Connor and made efforts to get to know who he was as a way to share Derek’s grief and be there for him to lend an ear and a comforting shoulder. It’s safe to say that Derek and I grew a strong bond in no time. But my son Leo isn’t close to Derek. Understandable because not all siblings and step-siblings are the same.
Leo and Derek are different in everything, which isn’t a bad thing but Leo calls himself the “brutally honest” type and makes insensitive comments about Derek most of the time. They tend to be under the guise of “advice.” Derek never complained, so I had to step in and tell Leo to stop being insensitive towards his stepbrother, especially with everything regarding Connor and his memory.
Leo would say, “OK I get it” and “I won’t do it again.” Days ago, Leo wanted to hang out with friends and asked Derek if he wanted to join. Derek agreed and put on Connor’s hoodie before going out. Leo commented on the hoodie and called it ugly and asked him to put on something else, but Derek insisted on wearing it or he wouldn’t go. Leo dropped it. I should have realized it would go badly then.
Hours later, Derek came home crying with his hoodie in hand. He said Leo and his friends cut it into pieces while he was in the bathroom after they convinced him to take it off. I was furious. I asked Leo and he said it was his friend’s idea then said he had to do it since Derek wears it everywhere and it looked old and embarrassing. I reminded him who this hoodie belonged to and he said “So what, maybe this will help him move on in life.”
So. I told him his birthday was canceled and his friends aren’t welcome anymore. He pitched a fit, saying his birthday was a right not a privilege and I can’t cancel it. He had my ex criticize my decision and wanted to host his birthday party but I refused because he’s grounded so no party anywhere. She and her family called me awful and ridiculous and asked me to think how Leo will hate me for this, but I insisted he needed punishment for putting his stepbrother through this.