No Dress Code in This Neighborhood
I have been accused of a litany of perversions, some against children, because of the way I dress. My neighbor is so adamant about all of this she’s got me a bit worried.
About a month ago, I moved in with my sister and her boyfriend into a neighborhood that’s mostly families. I didn’t expect any trouble. My first introduction to this woman, let’s call her Karen, was my first week here.
I went to check the mail and I wasn’t wearing a bra. I had on a baggy t shirt and basketball shorts, though. Karen is one of those Southern women who spend all day in their yards, pretending to garden, but are really spying on their neighbors. You know the type.
She waved at me and I waved back, trying to be pleasant. She came at me, I thought to make a proper introduction, or whatever, but she started lecturing me about not having on a bra.
It was creepy and weird. I am not at all well-endowed, I go without frequently and so far, no one seems to pick up on it, but not Karen. Karen urged me to think of her children and Jesus, who was always watching, and my parents (bless their hearts) she knows they raised me better than this.
It was so goddarn weird, I felt like laughing in her face, but I didn’t want there to be any issues so I said I’d be more diligent in the future and Karen went about her business.
Well, wearing a bra wasn’t good enough for Karen, y’all, oh no. Not only is blasting my nips lewd, so are regular women’s shorts and any form-fitting type of bottoms even if they cover my sinful legs. Karen seems to have an issue with the lower half of my body. While my breasts are small and humble, I am “aesthetic” from the waist down.
The second time Karen confronted me, her brood was playing in the street, and any semblance of pleasantness was gone. She threatened to call the authorities on me for indecent exposure in front of her children, insinuated I got off on arousing her tween boys, called me a hussy, a Jezebel, and said that I needed Jesus. Because I was wearing jean shorts.
We live in a nice area, lots of woods, by lakes and parks and I like to go out for walks, but it seems every time I step foot out of my door, there’s Karen making snide remarks or gossiping with other bored housewives. It’s getting annoying.
So I got my revenge. I got dressed up in my skimpiest daisy dukes that barely cover my butt and give me legit camel toe, plus I wore a half shirt with no bra on and my abs exposed to check the mail (I do not regularly dress like this).
I must have been quite a sight to Karen, who immediately stormed over once she spotted me, nearly knocking over her lawn chair she stood up so fast. She started laying into me. I just stood there letting her bump her gums for a minute, then I said, “You can stop the games, Karen. I see the way you look at me, I know you want me.”
Her face went beet red and she stammered out, “I’ll pray for you.” Then scurried away. Actually went inside her house. Story credit: Reddit / uthotright