Laughed Out of Court
I started working when I was 13 for a friend of the family’s restaurant as a dishwasher and groundskeeper. My friend started working at 12 at his dad’s catering company. My friend and I met when he was hired at a restaurant I had just started at as a prep cook six months before. I was 16 and he was 20 at the time. He coached me and grew me and eventually got me onto the line within a few months. At 21, his father passed unexpectedly and he left the restaurant to take over the family business, asking me to come work for him from time to time.
His father’s clients were all big old money, and so my friend kept to that demographic at first, which is why we have such a sordid collection of tales to tell. I think that’s enough background for now, so back to what ya’ll really came for: Super Cop and Super Human. We start with the catering consultation. The wedding planner had changed three times already before this couple even came to visit us, and the appointment kept getting rescheduled. We almost rejected the contract because it was becoming a waste of our time.
The day of the consultation came and they actually showed up, both the mothers with the bride and groom in tow. The wedding planner didn’t show, but we kept the consultation going and would email all relevant paperwork later. The mothers of the bride and groom were the best of friends, and they were so excited they got to plan their kids’ wedding together and faaaaamily, and the future of family names preserved. It was during this rant that my friend cut them off and spoke directly to the bride and groom.
Friend: “I want to know what you two want. What cuisine do you like? What style of service would you like? Bride’s Mother (BM) jumps in: “They want a full service buffet with carving stations, hors d’oeuvres, and cocktail hour, and the cake will be from this bakery.” Friend: “I’m sorry ma’am, I thought this consultation was for the bride and groom. If you want a consultation for your own wedding, you will have to book one with my assistant.”
BM: “Excuse me, but I know more than these two kids do, I planned my wedding myself you know.” Groom’s mother (GM): “Now BM, let’s just sit with the assistant, it is our kids’ day and they should be choosing what they like.” Friend: “How about this, you two ladies can sit with my assistant and give him all the details of what you are thinking, and I will give the bride and groom a private tasting.”
BM: “Fine, but I better see every piece of paper before it’s signed.” I take the ladies to another part of the office and listen to BM overtake everything, occasionally pointing out that a handsome young man such as myself shouldn’t disappoint my mother when it’s her time to plan my wedding. I just nod and smile and do my best to keep them busy while my friend gets the real story from the bride and groom. Back at the main consult.
Friend: “So I can already tell there’s some tension, so let me assure you that my company has nothing but the best intentions to make your wedding day as grand as you envision. You, the bride and groom, are our first priority.” Groom to bride: “I told you they shouldn’t have come. My mom caves to her every whim, and we will get railroaded.” Bride to groom: “I know, but I couldn’t say no, she says it’s her God-given right to plan this and I don’t know what else to do.”
Friend: “Let me assure you that my assistant is merely hearing their suggestions, this is the real consult. But before we go further, if we cater your wedding, who will be signing and paying for our services?” Groom: “Us, I won’t have a dime of their money be involved with our day.” Friend: “Perfect!” They proceed with the rest of the consultation, going over menu options, service styles, table set ups, time tables, and coordinating with the bakery. The last thing they went over was allergies.
The groom has a very severe allergy to peanuts, which has apparently been a problem with the bride’s mother. She believes it’s a mind-over-matter thing, just keep eating them and you’ll get over it eventually. Except the groom’s allergy is basically: touch nut, full anaphylactic shock. We jot down a huge note that peanuts will not be anywhere near this wedding. Before the consult wraps up, my friend suggests putting passwords on the account. You never know who might try to change something.
The bride says no, but before they leave the groom pulls my friend aside and says absolutely, but please don’t give it to bride. After their appointment ended and everyone left, I went straight to my friend and I compared notes. As we suspected, the bride and groom wanted something almost entirely different than the mother wanted, but since the bride and groom were paying and signing the contract, we shredded her plans. The bride and groom opted for a plated dinner for 80, with a cocktail hour. The bakery would deliver the cake and their staff would handle it. All was relatively quiet with this contract—until three weeks before the wedding hit. That’s when a huge man came to our office.
He said he was here about his cousin’s wedding and gave the proper password. My friend and I sat down with him and he introduced himself as the bride’s cousin and said he’s worried about the wedding. Earlier that week, the groom was admitted to the hospital after going into anaphylactic shock. The bride’s mother lied to the bride and groom and fed him a meal where at some point peanut oil was used. He witnessed the whole thing. When he confronted his aunt (the bride’s mom), she said “It’s a mind-over-matter thing!”
He wanted us to be aware that both the mother and father were uninvited and banned from the wedding, bride’s orders. There was a lot of drama with the other vendors and general wedding planning, and this was the final straw. This bouncer also wanted us to know that he was an officer, and he’ll be providing security at the wedding. He brought three of his officer friends with him and left one in the kitchen to keep the mother from sneaking in and ruining any more food.
The day of the wedding was mostly drama-free…until the reception started and the bride’s mother and father showed up with a gaggle of their friends and tried to force their way into the wedding. The bouncer took no nonsense, and my friend and I backed him up as best we could. They were ejected from the reception. The mother tried one final time as the reception ended. She sat in her car until the bride and groom were visible, then gunned her car at them.
The bouncer rushed them out of the way and she smashed her car into the reception hall’s front door. My friend and I witnessed the whole thing from the parking lot and rushed over to make sure the bride and groom were safe. We gave our statements to officers, and the mother was detained. The couple was shaken but not harmed. A few weeks after the wedding, the bouncer showed up to our office again. He thanked us for everything we did to help his cousin enjoy her day.
He told us that the groom told him everything we did distracting the mother and setting up passwords. He was grateful for everything we did and gave us his card, saying that anytime we needed security he’d be sure to have our backs. Not long after this, he was shot in the line of duty and took a leave of absence from the force for a bit to clear his head. Since he had previous experience as a bartender, we hired him on and he has been with us ever since.
He still works as an officer, but only at a desk in the precinct, and eventually, he’d like to open his own bar. He has a heart of gold and the brawn of an ox, and we are glad to call him part of our team. Meanwhile, the bride’s mother went behind bars and was cut out of the bride and groom’s life. The father divorced her. The happy couple just had a little bundle of joy a year ago, and are asking us to cater the baptism. The groom’s mother was very apologetic for just going along with the bride’s mom and was able to salvage the relationship with the couple. Oh, and my friend and I were sued for damages, slander and breaking contract, by the bride’s mother. The case was laughed out of court. Story credit: Reddit / BloodRelic