She Ruined the Day
My mother-in-law ruined the birth of my son four days ago. I’m still pretty shocked about what happened and still kind of baby-brained after the birth, so I hope this makes sense. I’ve never got on with my mother-in-law and have probably met her about 10 times since I’ve been with my partner. She has never liked me and it’s obvious. She doesn’t speak to me, she ignores me, she leaves me out, and if she does speak to me it’s to say something derogatory. She started being a bit nicer when my partner and I found out I was expecting.
She was very excited for her first grandchild and we finally had something she would talk to me about. She asked my partner several times if she could be in there when I gave birth. That was a firm “no” and I didn’t think about it again really…until she stormed into the delivery room four days ago. I was in active labor by then, and she suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I’m an incredibly shy and anxious person and I could not bring myself to ask her to leave myself. I just have no balls. I know this is terrible.
I presumed my partner would ask her to leave. He didn’t. She stayed for hours and I started to feel like I needed to push but I desperately did not want to push with her in the room. Eventually, I just told my partner it was time to ask her to leave, and my mother-in-law looked furious. He did though, and she left. Fast forward to an hour later. The baby was not coming out no matter how hard I pushed and things had started to get panicky in the delivery room. I ended up on my hands and knees in the least dignified position…and then the worst happened. My mother-in-law came back into the room.
I was mortified. My partner had to get her to leave again. The pushing wasn’t working and we ended up in the theatre. It ended up being a forceps delivery, which was extremely traumatic and I’ve had more stitches than I even feel comfortable with saying. In the theatre, people kept coming in and saying that she was STILL trying to get in. When we came out, more people came and said she was trying to get in to see the baby. I was horrified. My partner didn’t think it was as bad as I was making out.
I allowed visits the next day and my mom came first (I made sure of that) and my mother-in-law came slightly later because I told her the wrong visiting times. I know that’s childish, but I felt like after what happened it was the last thing I could do to get my own boundaries back. My mother-in-law wasn’t happy she wasn’t the first to meet the baby. Four days on, and my mother-in-law asks every day to come and see the baby, but I’m absolutely furious at what she did.
I’m also trying to establish breastfeeding and I’m anxious and vulnerable and I don’t want her around. She keeps telling my partner I’m mean and horrible keeping her away from the baby. I don’t know what to do. I’ve spoken to my partner about it but I haven’t pushed it about how upset I am about it all because I’m trying to enjoy time with my baby.
I feel really let down by him for not sticking up for me more and keeping her out properly. I also feel confused about medical staff not keeping her away when I said I didn’t want her in there. One of the midwives said to me after the birth that the reason the labor went so badly was probably a lot to do with how stressful I was finding it having her in the room when I didn’t want her there, and honestly, I feel like that’s true. Story credit: Reddit / lovelylittlebug