The Ghost
Okay, so, in the first place it’s always nice to get a client from a business card you left at a diner. It means people pick those things up. However, when leaving business cards at diners in certain areas of town, I should expect some issues.
This call came through on a dreary December day as I was sipping coffee and watching the snow fall. The caller ID read that it was the local hospital, and as I picked up I spoke to a rather frantic young man who informed me he was being held against his will and he needed an attorney to help him.
When I asked where he was, he simply said “the 5th floor.” While this may sound innocuous, every hospital has a “5th Floor,” where Napoleon roams the halls freely and the residents speak to their imaginary friends who may, or may not,
Have been an influencing factor in why they decided that clothing was a way for the government to track them and therefore the only solution was to create Poop Pants to throw off the monitoring ability of the CIA.
Long story short on this portion, within an hour of the call a friend had dropped off my fee, and I was en route to the Fifth Floor to meet with my new client.
I assumed it would be an involuntary committal defense, and after speaking with my client I gauged that, while the man was most definitely in need of mental care, he was not a danger to himself or others and was unlikely to be one.
He had, in my opinion, been forced to agree to being committed by his probation officer, and frankly I wasn’t going to let that stand. I got the name of some contacts from his treatment plan who were willing to vouch that he had, until recently,
Been compliant with his medications, and contacted his social worker who was able to confirm that, yes, since he had ceased taking the medication due to an inability to afford the medications, the county would assist him with it.
A slam dunk, I would simply do my lawyer thing around the mental ward and get him released, then appear in the Court to defend against the involuntary committal.
Within 24 hours of being committed, my client was back at home. A hearing was set a couple weeks in the future, and I did daily checks to be certain he was compliant with his medication leading up to the hearing…until the one day I didn’t.
A call from the local police was my tip off. An older officer, one I was familiar with, called to advise they had responded to a disturbance at my client’s home. He apparently had been screaming in an empty room loud enough that the neighbors were concerned and called the police.
The police officer, a friendly sort, gauged the situation and decided my client wasn’t a threat, but asked what the situation was.
“The ghost,” my client had responded, “The ghost won’t get out and it won’t leave me alone.”
“Well,” said the officer, “I can tell it to leave.”
So he did. He told the ghost to leave. And then, apparently for kicks and giggles, told him that it was a “civil matter” if the ghost refused to leave, and therefore an attorney would need to be contacted. At which point my client dropped my name….which resulted in the cop giving me a heads up.
So, I call my client…who is inconsolable at the concept of sharing his home with the ghost. Keep in mind, I’ve been to this guy’s house. This is the first I’ve heard of a ghost. But there is a competency hearing on the horizon, and this will not play well in front of the judge.
“The cop said it’s a civil matter,” my client repeated about the 18th time after I told him I was not, in fact, a priest, but was a lawyer and didn’t know how to perform an exorcism.
“What do you want me to do,” I snapped a bit, “Evict it?” There are moments in time when you should keep your mouth shut. This is one of them, because the immediate response was “CAN YOU? THAT’D BE GREAT!”
So, long story short, I ended up driving out there with a “Mock Up” Notice to Quit addressed to “Any spirits in possession of the property located at [1313 Mockingbird Lane] without any authority under color of law”
Advising them that their possession was “unlawful in nature” and ordering them to “quit and surrender the premises, or any portion thereof, within fifteen (15) days of the date of this notice.”
As I was obviously unable to obtain personal service via hand delivery, I had my client direct me to the portion of the premises the Ghost occupied, an empty spare bedroom, and made service by posting the Notice to the door of the room.
I then announced that the ghost “HAD BEEN SERVED A VALID NOTICE TO QUIT AND SURRENDER POSSESSION” and went home. A week later, as we’re preparing to enter the Court for my client’s competency hearing, I ask about the status.
“Oh, it worked great!” my client announced. “He moved out the same night and took all his stuff with him.” The ghost apparently had “stuff.” Anyhow, I smiled and patted my client on the shoulder as I offered some sage advice.
“Well, good,” I said, “now, let’s not mention this in front of the judge. He might have a problem with the service and order us to let the ghost back in if he finds out about it.”
My client nodded enthusiastically. I kept him out of the mental hospital that day, and take some comfort knowing somewhere today this mentally unwell but totally not dangerous guy is still telling people about his great lawyer who got rid of his ethereal roommate for free. Story credit: Reddit / SheriffCreepy