Not Good Enough for Her Family
My girlfriend and I have been together almost three years. 99% of the time, we’re great. She’s funny and smart and we have a lot of shared interests. But every time we visit her family, I start doubting everything.
They are very wealthy, which by itself is not a bad thing, but they’re also very fixated on being rich and have a habit of placing the monetary value of things (and people) over everything else. I come from a very middle-class background.
I have a good education and a decent career that I really enjoy, but I’m definitely not rich. Because of this, they view me as a loser. For example, yesterday we made the two-hour drive to her parents’ in my new-ish Honda.
When we got there, her mom immediately ordered me to park the car behind the house so the neighbors wouldn’t see it. She was furious we didn’t bring my girlfriend’s Land Rover, which they bought for her as a birthday gift this year.
The girlfriend doesn’t like to drive on long trips and I’m not allowed to drive the Land Rover (per her parents) so we brought my Honda. Oh, but the plot thickens. My girlfriend’s dad has never spoken to me directly.
Even when she introduced me the first time, he turned to her and said, “What does he do?” So we went in the house and I gave her dad the usual, “Hi, merry Christmas” and he gave me the usual disinterested glance.
One more example: Last year, I made the mistake of bringing a bottle of vino. It was a $25 bottle, which was pricey for me, and I even had the lady at the store help me pick it out. My girlfriend’s mom told me to put it in the kitchen.
They didn’t open it while we were there, and she later admitted to my girlfriend that they’d re-gifted it to their housekeeper because it was “gas station hooch.” We managed to get through the day yesterday without much drama except the car thing, which I’d normally consider a win.
But today I keep thinking about the whole situation with her family and wondering if I’m really willing to deal with these people for the rest of my life.
My girlfriend and I have tossed around the possibility of getting married more than once, but I know they’ll never accept me.
If we get married, I’ll have to see them a lot more than once a year. My girlfriend has given up trying to defend me to her parents and just ignores them most of the time, but I can tell it bothers her, too.
They bankroll a big chunk of her lifestyle and I think she’s worried they’ll cut her off if she pushes too hard—they’ve threatened to over other things. So am I wasting my time? Is this relationship doomed?
My girlfriend always tells me she doesn’t care what her family thinks, but I’m not sure that’s true. She always tries to downplay how mean they are to me. But I know I’ll never be good enough for them, even if I’m good enough for her.