I Can’t Get It Out of My Head
My fiancé and I just got engaged a week ago. I proposed to him when I heard from our friends that he was sad that his proposal plans were ruined. We have been very happy this past week. But there was a huge downside. I guess this caught the attention of his bitter ex.
She contacted me on through text and said that even though I may be marrying him, I would never be able to satisfy him the way she did.
For some background, early on in our relationship I was a bit insecure about this ex, especially how attractive she was.
Still, my fiancé assured me that he would never, ever consider being with her again, because she mistreated him and used to force him into things he didn’t like. I soon grew out of these insecurities. Until I saw the videos she sent with the texts.
I decided to watch the videos she sent. It was a huge mistake. I have never seen my fiancé so passionate/vocal during intimacy with me. She even had a video them getting it on in a public place; I never knew he was into all that stuff.
I got really upset and decided to check if he had kept any of these videos on his phone. Turns out he hadn’t kept any of them, but it didn’t end there. I found out messages discussing them with his best friend Sarah.
Apparently, his ex had sent these tapes to him as well to remind him how good it was between them. He had deleted them right away and blocked her, but was debating whether or not to tell me about this, and thus asked Sarah’s advice.
The conversation somehow turned into Sarah asking who was better in bed. My fiancé tried to evade the question, but she pressed the issue for some reason.
It looked like she was teasing him and was being playful, but after a while he got mad and sent her a mini rant about his feelings.
The important gist of it was basically this: “If you look at it from a purely physical perspective, then yeah (ex) was better. She was more my type physically. She was very aggressive and passionate and always took the initiative, which I liked, and she was very ‘talented.’
But she was also horrible to me towards the end, she started using intimacy as a tool, and instead of feeling loved it became a desperate attempt for me to connect with her.” Conversely, he said, intimacy with me made him realize that it was not just about the physical aspect.
He said he felt loved and secure and happy when he was with me. Although the second half of his rant somehow saves it, I still feel really hurt by his admission that intimacy was better with her. I can’t get it out of my head.
He did tell me that he liked me being aggressive and taking initiative, and I do try to be more like that, but once things start happening I end up becoming more passive and let him take the lead.
I know I can try being more aggressive, but I am afraid I can never be as good as her and I can never be the kind of girl that can give public “services.” Now I wonder if he settled for me. Logically, I know I don’t have to be the best at everything for my fiancé.
But it hurts because he is the best boyfriend I have ever had in all aspects that I can think of, and I always thought our bedroom life was amazing.
Now I feel like I just got lucky because I was the first person he dated after that witch and the bar was set so low.
The ex managed to ruin what was supposed to be one of the happiest periods of my life. I don’t know how to bring this up to my fiancé without sounding like a nut with no self-control, who thought it was a good idea to watch the videos and snoop on his phone.