Not-So-Secret Past
My boyfriend, who is 29, admitted that I am the oldest girlfriend he’s ever had. I am 21 years old. He then nonchalantly admitted to dating a 15-year-old when he was 27 and a 17-year-old when he was 28 before he got with me.
Now I want to break up with him. It has been a difficult time to be honest, my world has been turned upside down and I have been reeling from everything that happened.
I had been staying over at his place for the week and when I woke up from what I could only describe as a depression nap, he was already in his home office working. I took the opportunity to pack my things and brace myself for what I was about to do.
A part of me was still very much in denial of him being a predator, so I opted to fix breakfast so that I could get him to talk about it more. His revelations were shocking. I wanted to find out the true extent of these relationships.
I brought up his ex while we were eating, and he was more than inclined to talk about her. She went to the same high school as his sister, and that’s how he met her.
My now ex-boyfriend makes a 6-figure salary and he drives a really flashy car, which he says was the reason she approached him, “to check it out.” He continued to insist that she threw herself at him, and used him for his money when they finally got together.
I asked him about the girl’s parents, and he said he met them and that they clearly didn’t like him, but “as long as their daughter was happy, they were alright with it.” That particular line did me in, but he harped on.
He talked about how the dad never let him near his other kids and how much convincing it took for her parents to finally be all right with her sleeping over at his place. He says that they broke up because she found someone wealthier and she dumped him.
He apparently met the second girl, the 17-year-old, online. I asked for specifics. He said she lied about her age on Tinder because she was turning 18 soon anyways, and they just “clicked.” However, he was only looking for a rebound, so they didn’t “really date,” they just “screwed” (his exact words).
That apparently lasted a month until she dumped him as well. When I asked him if he prefers girls in that age range, he said, “Yes, but obviously I want a more mature woman to grow old with.” He then looked at me as if that statement was supposed to somehow reassure me, or make me feel better.
I couldn’t act passive anymore after that and I told him I do not think I am the woman he is going to grow old with. An argument ensued and he told me I was a “horrible lay anyways” and
“How dare you accuse me of such a horrible thing, you’re sick,” when I told him his proclivity for young girls was not normal and it might do him some good to get help for it.
I grabbed my bags and drove back to my apartment. Hindsight truly is 20/20 because so many red flags are glaring me in the face. I am petit (5’4, 120lbs) and he always liked how small I was. He constantly commented on it.
There were a few times where he told me I remind him of his ex and even though it made me feel uneasy, I just dismissed it as him having a “type.” I also didn’t know at the time that she was a teenager.
He has been insistent on me moving in with him and quitting my job because he makes enough money for both of us to live comfortably and he made it sound so romantic. I was genuinely considering it, and I think he might have been trying to isolate me, as he already didn’t like most of my friends.
He was also very emotionally manipulative. All the times he has ever guilt-tripped me or used the things I told him in confidence against me, all came rushing into my mind. I am starting to see how far from perfect our relationship was, and I am sick to my stomach thinking about it all.
I do not know how I can possibly stop him from doing this to someone else because I have no evidence and I am afraid my claims will be dismissed if I report him.
I am also concerned about how this will affect the victims in this case. Is it really all right for me to report something on their behalf?