Real Life Stories of Truly Awful First Dates

Monosyllabic

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When I was a grad student I was a regular at a cafe near my home. Down the street from the cafe were a few retail shops behind glass windows. I used to walk by them on the way to the cafe.

One shop wasn’t particularly busy and as I walked by I would always make eye contact with the girl who worked in the shop and give her a smile.

One day she came into the coffee shop. It was busy, so I invited her to sit with me. We talked a bit, exchanged names, and had a nice time for the ten or fifteen minutes we sat together. A few days later, she saw me walking by her shop and she came out of the shop to give me her number.

I called her that evening and we talked on the phone for hours. I kept trying to get off the phone, but she was a great conversationalist and kept the conversation going.

It was fun. I don’t think I had ever spent so much time on the phone. Before we finally hung up, we arranged to go on our first date.

Friday night and I pick her up at work. She was like fifteen minutes late, which was no big deal, but she was really apologetic.

On the way to the restaurant, I try to make conversation, but she is mono-syllabic. At the restaurant, the “conversation” was punctuated with long silences.

After one of the silences, she suddenly blurts out, “I’m fat. I look like I’m pregnant.” I was taken aback and didn’t really know how to respond to this.

I thought she looked great, but my only response was, “Why do you say that? It’s totally not true.” More silence ensued.

The drive home was mostly silent but met with another out-of-the-blue comment. She said, “I don’t think I could date someone who isn’t close with their parents.”

It sounded like an accusation. I didn’t know what to say to this. My parents and I are quite close, but I didn’t want to sound defensive, so I let it go.

When we got back to town I asked where her home was to drop her off. She gave vague directions, then told me to pull into a convenience store. At the convenience store, she got out and said she’d walk home from there.

I continued to walk by the store she worked in everyday, but never saw her there again. Some time later the store closed. I never saw or heard from her again.

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