The Spark Is Gone
Today I found my partner’s plan for breaking up with me—in a dot point list. I called him and he came over and we talked. He said the spark is gone and I haven’t done anything wrong, but he’s been planning it for months. Part of his break-up plan was getting me a cat so that when he’s gone I won’t be lonely. I didn’t know this when we got the cat.
I thought we were making a commitment. Now every time I look at the poor thing, I feel sick in my stomach. I love the cat to bits but having him around hurts so darn much. I feel used. He’s been telling me he loves me for months but hasn’t meant it. In the meantime, I’ve cooked and cleaned and tried my best for him. I even cooked his entire family Christmas dinner.
He’s dropped this on me two weeks into my postgraduate degree and I feel like my world is crumbling. In a day I’ve gone from happy to financially unstable, unable to eat, drink, sleep, and concentrate, and questioning every friendship I have because if he’s lied to me for so long, who else has? I’m considering dropping my postgraduate degree, I feel worthless and useless and I can’t focus anymore.
I’m so tired of running as fast as I can to stay in the same place. The reason I mention my studies is because in the past I was really unwell and hospitalized for a long period, which affected university. I feel like I’ve just gotten better and then been hit in the face with this. I wouldn’t drop my degree solely because of a guy, I’m just at my wit’s end with life at the moment.
My…ex…isn’t a bad guy, he’s just planned this in such a bad way. I’m not sure what will happen with the cat yet. He follows me everywhere but I feel sick every time I see him. The poor thing didn’t ask for this and we only got him a few weeks ago.