More Than Friends
I’m a guy in love with my lesbian best friend. My best friend is the closest person I have. We dated for a little in high school, but she got super depressed and we broke up. We stayed friends and only got closer. I like to think that I helped some, but she started getting some professional help and some meds and started doing a lot better.
She came out to me as a lesbian after we graduated, and I was the first to know. Good for her, right? I’ve always been supportive. But I’ll always want more. She was one of the main things that got me through college. We talked every day, we shared stories, frustrations, jokes, everything. Her parents and siblings all love me. We are as close as can possibly be.
There is literally no other human on this planet who I’ve clicked with so well. We are extremely similar in every way: sense of humor, field of study, outlook on the world. I would marry her in a heartbeat. But I can never tell her. I’m not some salty guy who expects something from her. I’ve accepted that she’s a lesbian, and I’ve supported her through everything as she explores this side of her.
She’ll never be attracted to me, and that’s okay. I would never try to change her, she’s perfect as she is. But I’ll always feel the way that I do. I’ve tried all that I can. I tried space, but it just hurt her. She missed her best friend. I tried dating other people, but she’ll always hold a special priority for me. It’s not fair to them anyways, they deserve somebody who isn’t hung up on something that isn’t even possible.
I’m just sitting here at my desk. Grad school is hard. I think putting this all on paper will help me. Somehow. Even now her name is sitting on my phone with the latest update from her. I’ll just do as I always do. Come up with some stupid joke and hope I made her day a little brighter.