You Have The Right To Remain Silent
I am a really shy, quiet, and anxious guy. I have an avoidant personality disorder, which means I want above all else to connect with people, but I struggle because of my anxiety. As you can probably guess, someone like this doesn’t get much attention from anyone at all. At my college, there used to be a lot of members of staff called campus officers.
Their job was to basically enforce the rules of the college and discipline people, etc. They would all wear these uniforms with black coats and sunglasses. It was pretty hot. I remember fancying them because they represented authority, which I find really attractive. I wasn’t the sort to ever misbehave so would never interact with these people.
I wanted to, but was so shy that I didn’t want to get actually disciplined to do it. So I ended up figuring out a much different plan. I began emailing the campus officers’ offices anonymously. I would report myself and say I was another student but wanted to stay anonymous. I’d say things like “_____ is carrying weed on him,” etc.
Well, this wouldn’t be ignored. A campus officer would show up to class and call my name. I would just follow them very submissively, but I knew I wasn’t in any real trouble. I was so shy, but I loved every minute of the process. I loved the submission of being collected from class, being marched to their office, being sat down and talked to in a sort of authoritative way.
I loved that I was in their office surrounded by staff in uniforms. I liked that they’d search my bag and really enjoyed when they searched me. As someone who was a virgin and really fancied these people, it was a lot of fun to get searched by them. It was an amazing thrill. I reported myself this way multiple times during my time at the college.
They never found anything on me so I was never in any real trouble. After like the third time, my course manager spoke to me and explained that they thought someone might have it in for me, but it was college policy to take reports seriously. At that point I knew I could just keep doing this whenever I wanted. Sure I got pulled out of class, but it was worth it.
It was a lot of fun for me regardless. I pretended I was uncomfortable and would behave very defensively, like I had something to hide. I think how shy and passive I was added to their suspicion to be honest. This is definitely a secret I wouldn’t share with anyone else. It makes me laugh a lot thinking back to it. Figured I’d share the story because nobody else has probably done anything like this before.