My Dad Just Wants to Be a Grandfather
Growing up, my parents were extremely awful towards me. Luckily, since I moved out at the age of 17, my dad has been in therapy, and my mom has grown a shiny spine after seeing my two younger sisters and me act like total bosses in the face of garbage-like misogyny.
Still, I’ve lived at least 1,500 miles away from them for the last ten years, so going home for Christmas scares the heck out of me. Now to the recent story. My dad has “baby rabies.” And “get those girls married” rabies. I don’t really blame him.
My very intense grandma (i.e. his mom) always placed an obsessive level of importance on the three of us getting married and having kids as early as possible. These rabies have been around in my family for many years at this point.
12 years ago, my dad got intoxicated and cried that if he and my mom had only saved up enough money to pay for my wedding, then I would have been married by then. Except for the fact that I was 22 years old and single after breaking up with my terrible boyfriend.
He failed to realize that there were other reasons I wasn’t married beyond their money… Since then, as family friends have grown up, gotten married, and started to have children, my dad has kept close tabs and constantly updated us on every development.
“Do you remember so and so? She was seven years younger than you?…No?…Well, she got married six months ago and they’re now pregnant!!” or “So and so brought her granddaughter over and she’s just the best! I love having babies in the house!”
I get that he’s excited about the idea of being a grandpa, and there’s probably some do-over desires in there since he was so bad when we were growing up that he basically missed out on ages nine through 18 in our lives.
But I don’t think he understands that his words can be painful, especially since my sisters and I would all like to be wives and mothers. So when we were all together, my dad brought up babies again. My middle sister is married to my amazing brother-in-law, and her two best friends were both pregnant.
One has since given birth. So our dad is going on and on about wouldn’t it be cool if my sister and brother-in-law had a baby at the same time to grow up with her best friends’ kids!?
He also asked if we saw all the kids we used to babysit for with kids of their own at Christmas Eve mass!? This comment also made me realize that having 12-year-olds babysitting multiple kids between the ages of two and eight was a really weird thing. Babies, babies, babies!!
But there’s something that he doesn’t know. My sister and brother-in-law do want a baby and have been having trouble getting pregnant.
They had told our other sister and me that morning that they had thought she was pregnant and were so excited to be able to announce it in person over Christmas, but before she could borrow a car and get a pregnancy test without our entire nosy family (myself included) knowing, her period started that day.
They’re positive and hopeful that it will happen soon for them, but they were obviously very bummed and sensitive about the subject at this particular point in time.
But having read stories of difficult parents and in-laws for a month beforehand, in preparation for my visit, instead of letting the situation get awkward, I loudly blurted out, “Dad! Your baby rabies are out of control!!” in a joking tone.
Everybody looked at me awkwardly. I’m a now-sober former heavy drinker, so I don’t blame them. They had about 12 years of me making Christmas uncomfortable as heck for them.
But I cheerfully explained what baby rabies are. Everyone else laughed at how funny they found the subject and name. Then they made some inoculation jokes, and moved on to other topics of conversation.
My dad turned red and asked if he really brings up babies that often. My mom patted his hand and said “Yeah. All the time” and made a joke, lightening the situation while my youngest sister and I teased, “What!? Daily pictures of your grand-puppies aren’t enough!?”
In the last month since, he’s been great in our family chat thread. He was excited that my sister’s best friend gave birth without pushing the whole “But when are YOU going to have babies!?” thing. He has also decided that being a great uncle to my cousin’s kid is perfect for right now.
Long story, I know, but hopefully a bit of a positive post since I know all the difficult behavior becomes overwhelming at times. Thank you all for putting baby rabies, and healthy boundaries, into my vocabulary! Story credit: Reddit / Fly0ver