Catfish Cutie
I started talking to a girl on OKCupid. She was pretty, seemed down to earth, liked Skyrim and Game of Thrones, and generally seemed cool. We planned to meet for dinner. I got to the restaurant at around 7 PM. As I was sitting outside, I heard, “Hey”! I looked over and had to do a double-take.
This was definitely the girl I was talking to, but she was so very different in real life than she was in her pictures lead on and not that great looking. She was wearing a Pokémon shirt too small for her. I wasn’t going to back out, so we started talking and went inside.
I noticed when we were sitting down that she never closed her mouth and breathed loudly out of it—she was a mouth breather. Not only that, but she would just stare at me while mouth-breathing—it was so weird.
When we were choosing appetizers, she claimed that she couldn’t eat mozzarella sticks because she “self-diagnosed” herself with Crohn’s disease since cheese made her gassy. Then she started insulting our waitress, saying, “I bet she likes Twilight and Jersey Shore.
I’m probably the only girl who likes gaming around here. I’m real”. And somehow, it got worse. She kept making grunting noises and heavy breathing noises, and at one point, she got sauce on her chin and never wiped it off.
When the waitress brought out our dinner, my date said, “A wild steak appears”, and the waitress and I just sort of looked at her. It was awkward. Towards the end of the meal, she passed gas really loud and started crying because she was embarrassed about it.
Everyone was looking at us, and I just sat there. Story credit: Reddit / (pickles__the_drummer)