Beggars Can’t Be Choosers
I work as a personal concierge at a luxury resort and one night I get a call from my manager as I’m sitting at the staff bar getting trashed. He informs me that there’s a last-minute VVIP friend of the CEO of the entire company coming to stay. There was no time to google this guy. I had a couple of shots for the road and went to change back into my uniform and meet him at the pier.
He arrived just after midnight and in a few minutes, I can tell he is a super high energy eccentric straight out of a Hunter S. Thompson book. Right off the bat, he decides that my name is Dimitry (it’s not). He then tells me that he needs to get ready as his friends are boating over from a neighboring island and he wants everything ready for their arrival.
He needs several bottles of Dom Perignon, a bunch of canapés, and an electrician to install floodlights in front of his villa to better show off the view to his friends. He also needs his shirts to be organized by color in the closet. After he freshens up, he calls me and asks for the villa to be cleaned. So I arrive with housekeeping. I am immediately astounded.
In the bathroom, he has used all of the shower gels, all of the shampoos, all of the conditioners, and there are two entire rolls of dental floss in the trash. Yeah, this man is a mutant for sure. He then tells me to meet his friends when they arrive and take them to the bar to book their spa treatments for the next day. Ok, fine. I go.
His friends consist of three smoking hot babes accompanied by some guy who looks like a cross between Keanu Reeves, Brad Pitt, and Sawyer from Lost. Apparently, he is some big-time Hollywood director’s son. I take them to the bar as requested. Shortly after that, he calls me to say he’s ready for me to bring them to his villa, which is now floodlit and all Dom’d up.
He starts telling the girls about his private jet and joking around that they should fly to Paris Fashion Week on his plane instead of the director’s, har, har. They finish the fun at around 4:00 am. I go to sleep. At 8:00 am I woke up to him calling me with his breakfast order. He asks for an omelet with the works, eggs sunny side up and scrambled, cappuccino, tea, all the fruit juices we have available, bread baskets, fruit platters, cereal, and a newspaper.
I was pretty sure I had already dropped his friends off at their boat, which meant he was ordering all of that food for himself. He tells me to stay and keep him company. Then he proceeds to call who I assume is his personal secretary on speakerphone and starts reciting numbers from a report from memory. He asks why there’s a discrepancy in one of the reports and she throws some guy named Peter under the bus.
Then his friends arrive for their massages and afterward, he tells me that he needs to settle his bill as he will be leaving that evening. I come to his villa to take payment and transport him to the pier. Of course, there are about four housekeepers waiting like vultures for their handouts. He pays for the villa and then looks each of them in the eye, one after the other. I will remember his reaction forever.
He stuffs his hand into his pocket and throws a bunch of bills on the bed. “Dimitry this is only for you”. Then off to the pier we went. Safe travels you weird, weird man.
Story credit: Reddit / mirooo