Go My Own Way
I was raised by parents who believed (religiously and also culturally) in rigid gender roles. Dad should work, mom should stay home with the kids. I’m the only girl and have three brothers. Because of their expectation that I’d stay home with kids, they never valued my education, educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills.
I’m the second youngest. By the time I was in high school, my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice, with my parents fully covering tuition, books, an off-campus apartment, and other living expenses. They eventually did the same for my younger brother. I was told I wasn’t allowed to apply for college. So I came up with a plan of my own. I did so in secret and got accepted with a partial scholarship. I didn’t tell them I was moving out until a week before I left.
I did this with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought “them” for college. I took engineering and had to work, take on debt, and struggle. My parents and I have barely spoken for years. I’m married now and expecting our first child, and they asked to meet up. We met at a park, and they said they were “Sorry if they caused me pain” but would like a relationship now.
I asked them specifically what they were sorry for. They wouldn’t elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward. I said that wasn’t sufficient. In the end, I said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the $100K my degree and college expenses cost, just like they did for my brothers. My mom burst into tears, my dad said I wasn’t being serious and I just left.
Since then, I’ve been getting calls from my brothers telling me I’m being immature and hurtful. I don’t think so at all.