Sophie’s Choice
Context: My older sister and I lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent; mom was never in my or my sister’s life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and my sister, and she used it to get new cars and renovate her house. I live with my aunt right now because my brother-in-law didn’t let me stay with my sister. I’m planning on using my money to pay for college tuition.
I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet. My sister and I haven’t been close. It started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who she allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his illness and make a scene at his funeral. I’ve distanced myself, but my sister kept visiting a lot lately and venting about her husband’s condition.
He’s been in and out of the hospital for heart problems and is in need of surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting off the conversation. She then straight-up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery and said she’d pay It back in less than a year. I felt uneasy because if I give her money, there’s no guarantee she’ll pay it back before it’s time for me to apply for college.
I felt I was risking my future, and I refused to help. It turned so ugly in the blink of an eye. She had a meltdown at my aunt’s house, calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health. She asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father.
My aunt suggested others pay, but most of them cut my sister and her husband off long ago. I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guilt-tripping me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it, she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.
My sister has been sending texts and pictures of her family, telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish, not a good aunt and sister. I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery. He warned me if I give them money I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.