1. Promoted At My Fake Job
So yesterday I was at my favorite local supermarket. I’ve been shopping there pretty much once a week for the past 6 years. I know the place like the back of my hand. I know most of the employees by name (I live in a small town of ~4000 people).
As I’m standing in the taco aisle, trying to decide exactly how hard to punish my bathroom later (I picked Ghost Pepper salsa, so a lot), I am approached by a woman who must have been 75 if she was a day. SL will be sweet lady, and M will be Me.
SL: “Son, can you help me locate the aluminium foil?”
M: “Sure, it’s right up this way.”
I walk her to aisle 7b.
M: “It’s pretty high up, let me grab it for you. Do you want the Reynolds, or the store brand?”
SL: “The name brand please.”
I hand her a 200 foot roll.
M: “Do you need help finding anything else? I’m a walking directory of this store.”
SL: Hands me her shopping list
I spent about ten minutes filling her cart with heavy/hard to reach items, and then I got back to my shopping with a smile and a “have a great day”.
As I’m standing in the checkout, I see the SL arguing with the floor manager (Greg, he goes to my church, we’re pretty familiar with each other) over by the express line.
I pay for my groceries, and walk over to be nosy, and maybe help out.
SL is telling Greg that “The big guy with the red beard” helped her. “I didn’t get his name” and she wants to see him get a bonus, promotion, or employee of the month, something.
Greg is insistent that no one with that description works there.
I get to the counter, and before I can explain that I don’t even work there, Greg pipes up.
G (to SL): “Oh, you mean Mark? Yeah, he’s one of our best employees.”
G (to me): “Mark, this lady has been over here singing your praises for the past 5 minutes. I didn’t even know you were working today.”
Me (Lying through my teeth): “Well, Sharon (a cashier I know) called me and said we were slammed, so I came in on my day off.”
G: “Well that’s some real initiative, how would you like to be Assistant to the Regional Manager (we’re both huge Office fans)?”
M: “Oh my God, thank you! Are you sure?”
G: “Well, you’ve definitely earned it.”
SL: “See, this is why I shop here instead of Walmart, even though you guys charge more. You care about your employees, and your employees care about your customers.”
So that is how I became assistant to the regional manager at a store I am not even employed by.