31. WHILE YOU WERE HEALING
Oh man I have a winner. I had surgery on my testicles due to a possible tumor (it wound up being benign), so I’m recovering that evening in bed.
My girlfriend (long-distance) visited me to take care of me. All is going great, except for my crotch hurting and my wearing of a diaper—but hey, I had just come back from Afghanistan, so life was still pretty sweet. My girlfriend offers to make me some food. Sweet. So she asks me to look up a recipe on my phone. I can’t find my phone—so she tosses me hers.
Well, let me tell you, in the midst of me looking up a great Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe, a message from my friend Ryan flashes across the top of the screen. I can’t make it out, but I figure it’s nothing too serious.
I’m like, “Oh Ryan, what are you giving a hard time to my girlfriend about,” So I click the message, if only to relay what I presumed was a joke to her. Well, let me tell you, the joke was on me. Those two had been going to Bonetown, USA, while I was deployed. They talked about me being gone as a bonecation.
My girlfriend asks if I found anything good. I’m like, “Oh heck yeah.” Now, I show her the texts. She denies anything happened. Which is, well dumb—so me being a man of dignity, kick her out of the apartment and send her on her way to Georgia.
Wearing adult diapers, I kicked her out of my place. Honestly, I just wish I had found out after I had eaten some Cordon Bleu.