We’ll Look Into It
The house my parents live in was grandfathered into the neighborhood, meaning it isn’t part of the HOA, but that didn’t stop them from writing us letters. One of them was about vines over our fence, so my stepdad wrote them the following epic response:
“We received your letter about the vegetation growing over our fence. While we do appreciate your concern about the beautification of our neighborhood we cannot comply with this request at this time.
The vegetation in question are actually assistance vines for our senior rhesus monkeys and have been left long due to their diminished ability to scale our fence during their nightly wanderings.
While they only have about three years of life expectancy left, we feel that they deserve the same respect as any family member and do everything we can to accommodate their remaining days.
As their mobility continues to decline we may be reaching out to you for approval for “slow monkey crossing” signs for our street and alley with an image of a monkey in a wheelchair.
Maybe we can get six different signs with each of their sweet little faces on them. They love to pose for pictures, especially in their little throwback baseball uniforms with blousy trousers and little souvenir bats.
Anyway, best of luck in your slow-rolling alley checking searches for minor aesthetic annoyances. Maybe you can convince the guy that painted his door to resemble the Texas flag to correct the red and white stripes so it will be presented properly. Texas pride, y’all! The McVineys”.
Their response was something like “We’ll look into it”.