The Server Went Down
This gem happened a few days ago.
Me: Service Desk
Caller: THE SERVER IS DOWN YOU NEED TO FIX THIS NOW
Me: Which server are you referring to?
Caller: THE SERVER!
Me: okay…what is it that you are trying to do?
Caller: TRYING TO ACCESS THE GODDARN SERVER
(yes, she was SHOUTING the entire time)
Me: Please can you stop shouting at me and tell me which server you are talking about or what it is that you are trying to do? We has many different servers for different things, I need to know exactly what isn’t working?
Caller: HOLY GOD THE SERVER ISN’T WORKING. THE. SERVER. ISN’T. WORKING. YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME.
(In the background I’ve already loaded up our server monitoring tools. There are no alerts)
Me: I’ve checked our monitoring, I’m not seeing any servers as being down. Which department are you calling from?
Caller: IRRELEVANT. FIX THE SERVER NOW.
Me: Can I get your Staff ID please?
Caller: IRRELEVANT. click
10 minutes later…
Me: Service Desk
Caller: THE SERVER IS STILL DOWN!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THIS?
Me: Nothing.
Caller: EXCUSE ME? NOTHING?
Me: You still haven’t told me which server is down or what is not actually working?
Caller: YOU PEOPLE! IT’S OBVIOUS MY PHONE ISN’T WORKING I CAN’T MAKE CALLS. THE SERVER HAS GONE DOWN YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR PEOPLE AND FIX THIS.
Me: Ma’am I can see you are calling me from your Desk Phone, is that correct?
Caller: YES!
Me: and this is the phone you cannot make calls from, correct?
Caller: YES!
Me: …
Me: Do you see why I’m having trouble understanding the problem?
Caller: THE SERVER IS DOWN I CAN’T CALL <obviously not a valid number>
Me: Ma’am that number is three digits short of a valid number, that is why the call is not connecting.
Caller: LISTEN THE SERVER IS OBVIOUSLY DOWN. I’LL HAVE MY PEOPLE CALL YOUR PEOPLE ABOUT THIS! Click.
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.