How Can You Kick Me Out?
My girlfriend (now fiancée) and I moved into an apartment together. Things were going great until a buddy of hers needed a place to stay as he was going through a divorce with his wife. I had never met “Saul” before but we got along fine. I worked at a PC repair shop that had a LAN Center in it that we’d have LAN parties at all the time, and apparently he had seen me there.
So, we talk about gaming, beer, etc. He tells me he’s looking for work as he was working at his father-in-law’s shop and got canned because of the divorce. No problem, just help out around the house and pay us rent when you can. Two months later nothing, and this was before the economic downturn. There were companies hiring right and left, besides Taco Bell and McDonald’s.
Somehow, he scrapes together $200 bucks. He immediately goes out and blows it on finishing up a demonic sleeve tattoo. Fantastic, that’s gonna help him getting a job. He uses the kitchen and leaves dirty dishes everywhere. We are washing his clothes and he’s using my toiletries…which is where sweet karma comes in.
I inform him at the end of month three that we were sorry, but he needed to either pay the back-rent owed and have a job by the end of the week or he would have to leave. Astonishingly, he asked, “How can you kick me out after all I’ve done for you?” I was so flabbergasted. Like really dude, what have you actually done except mooch off our generosity?
“Fine! Screw you! I’ll get my junk out of your apartment by the end of the day” he finally says. I go to work, come back home, and my significant other tells me that Saul was furious and had packed his stuff. I hear him in the bathroom. He’s finally showering after about four weeks of taking a break from hygiene, and I hear my electric razor.
He comes out clean shaven, flips me off, grabs his stuff, and splits. As soon as the door shuts, I’m in tears from laughter. My SO is ticked since she feels like she lost a friend over the deal. I then inform her that he’ll get over it. She then goes in to see the wreck he left in the bathroom and sees the razor on the sink. “Saul shaved didn’t he?” “Yup.” “Isn’t that the…?” “Shaver I use to trim ‘down there’? Yep.”
Both of us are in freaking tears by this point. We find out later he moved to Arkansas, where he was promptly detained for assault. Served time, released, and immediately got hung up on another charge, but was released due to lack of evidence. Saw him the other day, kicking a scraggly beard. I wanted to offer him that shaver.
Story credit: Reddit / Hitokiri818