What Just Happened?
There I was, a young man in a crowded Chicago bar. It was 2 am, and I was slightly tipsy. I had just been denied by the girl I foolishly spent the whole night talking to, and I “celebrated” by taking a couple more shots. Suddenly, all the drinks from that night came rushing to my bladder, so I decided to head to the bathroom before calling it a night.
After stumbling through the crowd, I finally made it to the dilapidated bathroom that was located downstairs. When I walked in, I was met with a shocking sight. There, standing in the middle of the men’s bathroom in a dive bar at 2 in the morning, was a blonde breastfeeding what looked like a newborn babe. Whether I was too far gone or just in shock at what I was seeing, I couldn’t seem to move or speak.
The silence was broken when the woman, clearly appalled that I was staring, yelled, “Do you mind?” and proceeded to squirt her breast milk at my face. The woman’s attempt to hit me was successful. Without saying a word, I walked out of the bathroom, wiped the milk from my face, and exited the bar. Since it all happened so fast, it wasn’t until the next morning that I was able to process the absurdity of what had happened the night before.