Whoever Smelt It, Dealt It
One day I woke up and had really painful cramps due to the awful woman’s monthly cycle, mixed with some spiced chicken that hadn’t sat right in my belly all night. I go to the toilet about three times before work that morning, but it eased off a bit so I take tablets, grin and bear it, then leave for work. Now, my job is within the Prison System, escorting inmates to certain places, including courts. This is where it all went downhill.
I had to escort this inmate over to the witness box and stand next to her in open court. So I do my usual but my tummy has started to really hurt again. I’m trying my absolute best to put off a toot which I know is brewing but can’t hold it much longer. So I do a really silent one and pat myself on the back thinking I had got away with it…
That is until the inmate starts coughing and retching and shouting, “What the heck is that?!” I quickly realize what it must be but can’t admit to such a foul, putrid smell so start crinkling my nose as well and gagging. The administrative clerk walks slightly closer and retches so hard she had to swiftly put her head in the bin.
By this point, it’s getting loud and chaos is starting to ensue. Not what you want in court, in front of the district judge. The judge quickly tells me to take the prisoner back over to the closed dock and states it must be the pipes. He stands down the whole of court and makes maintenance come in to check all pipes for any leaks, cracks, ANYTHING that could have made that smell happen.